Let the Trial Begin!

When I first started this blog, the idea was to chronicle my second autologous stem-cell transplant (SCT) for the benefit of those who might find themselves following in my footsteps. Many have decided to keep a diary of the experience but few have actually done it, mostly because they find themselves in too much pain or discomfort. Maybe I won't be able to do it either, but that was the idea. As so many of you have noticed, my rate of posting has come down considerably over the last few weeks.

Then, when the SCT was ruled out fourteen months ago, I decided I would take you with me all the way to the end, wherever that turned out to be.

Now here we are, in April. I never imagined living this long, let alone finding myself facing a risky, reduced-intensity allogeneic transplant. Friday I move into the hospital (23rd April, 2010, 9am). If I'm lucky I'll be home again in a month. Getting to go home does not mark the end of the procedure, but does signal a good end of the beginning. If I'm not, if I'm unlucky, I could spend from now until September in the transplant unit of Scripps Green Hospital. There's a good chance the procedure will kill me, a chance that I learned today is higher than I had previously thought.

Some time soon I will be trying to convert my blog to the mandated Blogger format. I'll send you a message from the other side when it's done.

("The other side" sounds spooky, now that I've written it. I don't mean THAT other side!)

Blogger to Nesseler: Evolve or Die!

The Google Monster

Google has evolved, and so will you, if you know what's good for you! On May 1st we are shutting down the way you blog, even though we sold you on it not too long ago. We made a mistake. Change or die!

Grrrrrr!

Which about says it all. When I set this blog up, I did it the hard way (a bad habit of mine) and now I'm paying for it. I love complex stuff. Have you seen the new TiVo? Wow!

[Last night a nurse in the Green Hospital asked me what I was doing — I was streaming Countdown with Keith Olbermann. I explained that I was connected from my Macbook Pro to my home HD TiVo, and could watch anything I've recorded. If less than two programs are being recorded right now, I could watch any station I wanted to from HBO to Playboy. And I could watch anywhere in the world where I could reasonably connect to the Internet. Her wings fluttered. I had confused her. She backed slowly out of the room.]

All which is to say, one day next week, after I've done my taxes, which I've threatened myself to do first, I'll take on the conversion process, and, since life and death aren't at issue, I moving forward with enthusiastic unsupported hope to guide me.

I expect the process to take one day. Then again, you will recall, I thought the second transplant would be another autologous stem-cell transplant and would be finished a year ago.

Correction: I HAVE a donor!

Cold, But They Warm My Heart

Only four hours after a lengthy and depressing discussion with my case manager (she's the one who finds donors for people like me), I learned that she had taken the search world-wide and others had been asked to join in. I asked myself, just how many miracles can a guy have in one lifetime?

Then, the call came four or five hours later ON THE SAME DAY that she had found a donor, this time stalwart, strong and determined to save my life, and with a 9/10 match to boot (a 9/10 is an excellent match). He not only agreed, he submitted a sample to us, which we analyzed, and it passed all of the necessarily tests! There is no question that he is going to go through with it. I am determined to believe it. I am, though, full of naggy, irrelevant little questions, like, didn't my case manager know about this at the first call? Of course she did! I wonder if it's worse not to know that there is a possible donor (who might bail out, leaving me to angry grief again) than to think after three months of searching that there is none (with hope suffering a beating)?

Of course, there is always the question of my getting to the finish line. Yesterday, my doctors wondered if I might come in earlier than for my scheduled tune-up. Now, some twenty-one hours later they are finishing up the last of two transfusions (whole blood) with, possibly, platelets still to go, plus the last course of potassium (they took nearly a full day to be infused). They're still dropping, bag to pump to picc line, as I write, twenty-one hours from when we started.)

At the same time, I grow weaker, including executing a nasty fall two days ago that began on the right foot, spun, and ended short of a full rotation. At least my head missed the heavy railing at the head of the stairs. A rather ineloquently executed old time Toe Loop from eighty years ago. I suffer from anorexia and taste perversion, too. Anybody want to loose weight quickly? That's me on the right---->

Furthermore, it will take place less than three weeks from now. Have a nice day!